Oracle Flees San Francisco for Safe Space

January 04, 2020

Oracle has announced that it will move the OracleWorld conference to Las Vegas due to SF's persistent homeless problem. Saying in a statement, "We need a space that's welcoming for everyone, where we are accepted and tolerated for who we are."

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Homeless Man Sets Fire to SF's Only Affordable Housing Unit

January 04, 2020

"Hey - I'm just doing what I do" said the man, who was directed to the Navigation Center next door. Mayor Breed, reached late in the day, told us "I can't believe it. That took us 5 years to build and $15 million. Does anyone want this job?"

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Coronavirus Prompts SF Anti-Vaxers to Celebrate Diversity of Communicable Diseases

January 22, 2020

Fresh off getting the SF Science March canceled due to their presence, SF Ani-Vaxers are hosting a get together in the Richmond on Friday to celebrate the arrival of the coronavirus, the latest disease for which they will not inoculate themselves. Said the head of the Richmond chapter of "Flat Earthing & Head Sanding" -"We want to remind the world of the diversity of diseases we can spread & include as many oddly clad children as possible in our campaign to bring back the 14th century. We don't want to get typecast. This isn't just about measles."

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SF Winds Shatter Windows Downtown, While Parasite Breaks Glass Ceiling

February 10, 2020

Sunday proved to be a day of broken shards from San Francisco to Hollywood as winds demolished a window in the ever-sinking Millennium Tower. The South Korean film, Parasite, proved to be just that to the Irishmen - and took home Best Picture for a movie no one has seen except the Oscar committee.

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